Today’s ONE THING: Advice for the next time you have a fight

• Acts 11:4 (NKJV) But Peter explained it to them in order from the beginning…

With my 34^th anniversary looming, the following story made me wonder if Sonja has been practicing the same strategy as the grandmother described in the story:

On her golden wedding anniversary, a grandmother revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage.  “On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she explained.  A guest asked her to name some of the faults.  “To tell the truth,” she replied, “I never did get around to listing them.  But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, ‘Lucky for him, that’s one of the ten.’”

I don’t know if Sonja uses that strategy or not, but this I do know after almost 34 years of marriage, if you do not have a strategy for working through conflict you’re in trouble!  Matter of fact, having a strategy is not enough; having a good strategy is what you need.

For example, screaming and shouting at each other may be a strategy but it is not a good one!  That is what could have happened in Peter’s situation.  He had rocked the world of the early church by bringing into fellowship gentiles – a Roman Centurion – of all things.  The leadership of the church had called a business meeting to deal with this issue.  Basically they had called Peter on the carpet to give an accounting – and they were hopping mad!

Instead of getting defensive and joining in a shouting match, he calmly explained the situation – get this – “in order from the beginning.”  Now that’s a good strategy.  Note the process:

1. First, get the details clear in your mind (get them “in order”)
2. Second, explain yourself orderly (not emotionally)
3. Third, start at the beginning (in other words, don’t allow some minor point to become the main issue, stay focused on the big picture.

So there you go, a little advice for the next time you have a fight…and trust me, after 34 years of marriage I have learned that there will indeed be a next time! 🙂